This post is gonna be short and sweet because, honestly, I’ve got much better things to be doing right now. **sigh** Just to summarize these White Chocolate and Cinnamon Chip Cookies are from Picky Palate, they have Hershey’s Cinnamon Chips in them (which I’ve been wanting to try for like ever…), and they’re chewy and pretty, pretty sweet (so you can tone it down if you want!).
Summer has been a little bit crazy: from starting to see patients in clinic (which has been overwhelming and scary and very, very humbling..but also a lot better than Sim Lab), to
attempting failing to pace myself and study for boards, to still balancing somewhat of a social life and community. I can’t believe this summer trimester is almost already over…and I’m already going into my third year. God has taught me so much this past year, and I’m so so thankful for each struggle, obstacle and rough patch He has put me through because I am confident that it first passed through His filter of love and that He sovereignly placed it in my life to make me more like Him and grow my faith. This has taken a LOT of pruning though, which most probably has been fueled by my own sinfulness of growing weary and dull and not wanting to pray and read the Word. Even through my dry seasons, God was still there and He never abandoned me even through my constant failures. I love this excerpt from Desiring God:
I thought about it recently when I was driving home from a long day, and suddenly all the pain and confusion bubbled up in my throat and burst out, and I shouted out to God, “Help me! Why won’t you help me?” And before the sound of those cries had even evaporated from the air, I could hear the truth ringing in their desperation: He is helping me. If he had abandoned me, then I would not be crying out to him for help.
And I thought about it yesterday, sensing the coldness of my heart and wondering, Is this pain what it feels like to fall away? With hopelessness crouching beside me, I wrote on the page of my journal — with what was left of my frail faith — the words, “Fight for me.” And even as the letters emerged from my pen, I could see the evidence in each mark, the gentle and steady whisper to my soul, I am. I am fighting for you. And I’m winning. Why else would you be sitting here at my feet right now?
Sometimes perseverance doesn’t look like shining and polished conformity to the commands of God. Sometimes it doesn’t look like effervescent joy every time you hear his name. Sometimes it looks like Jacob, wrestling in the dark with a God we cannot see, holding fast to him, refusing to let go, no matter how hard it gets.
When life gets really busy, Satan is most ready to take us down. When we wake up and check our phone messages or likes on Instagram, instead of starting the day buried and covered in truth, we will probably lose the battle. Honestly, many days start like that for me, which is why I love this simple but raw and powerful plead to our Father:
On the days when my heart feels dull, dry, and drowsy, I turn to one simple prayer from David in Psalm 51:12 —
Restore to me the joy of your salvation,
and uphold me with a willing spirit.